Mankind 101....Beards or Mustaches

There are definite characteristics that make men considerably more admirable. More alpha. More Manly.

Take John Holmes for instance. Name one man that wouldn't want a trait like that. And we know old Long John felt a bit more manly because of it. Well, besides his later career that kinda took a turn for the darker and less hetero side of his industry.

Enough trash talking I suppose. But what other characteristics make men more savvy and sophisticated than the next guy?

Broad shoulders, big nose, callused extremities? Or how about hairy backs and chests, missing fingers, beards or mustaches. Yes!

Beards.

Some men have goofy cuts of crap while others have perfectly sculpted face warmers. A beard can be a man's identity. It represents strength and wisdom. In some cases it defines a man. Like Grizzly Adams, ZZ Top, Ernest Hemmingway, Karl Marx and even Poseidon. Most of which are commemorated at the NationalBeardRegistry.org. Yep, there's a registry for beards.

Mustaches

Sports stars are also well known for their hairy faces. Even their beautiful examples of hairy upper lips. In fact there is a review of the 11 Greatest Mustaches in NFL History. You could imagine the terror of facing such a display of manitude on the face of Walter Payton. He's number 9. And what about M.J.'s nice little stache. Also, special thanks to Hitler and Salvador Dali for showing what isn't considered acceptable.

So whether or not you carry a proud goatee, mutton chops, or van dyke you can walk tall knowing that the guy that shaves is just one step behind in the growing race of magnificence.

Plus that guy might think you're a biker or even the Jesus reincarnate. Then they give you their money and possibly his wife. Bulletproof.

For Every Man....The Perfect Couch

Herodotus once said, "If a man insisted always on being serious, and never allowed himself a bit of fun and relaxation, he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it."

Well I don't exactly know who Herodotus is or was, but that mofo is right. We need to relax. We need more time being comfortable and worry free. If most guys out there are like me, then they rush to get everything done and then try to find time to unwind. And we all have our favorite places to take it easy around the house. None of which is a floor. Nope. It's something soft and pliable that molds to our aching bodies. Like.....a couch.

Man's favorite resting place. One of a few places that our bodies and minds are forced to adapt to. But in the end, we become one with our gravity reducing and perfectly assembled sack of wood and fiber. So is there a groovy alternative to our stereotypical sofa. I think there might be.

I believe it is called the Micama. And I also believe it is made in Sweden by a woman named Francesca Donati. I'm thinkin' she works for a company called Adero. Of course, I am only fluent in one language and it isn't anything close to northern european languages. So please forgive me for being ignorant. But anyway. The Micama is a completely different take on relaxation.

After getting over our manly inhibitions. We might be able to accept this somewhat fruity piece of furniture as a loin lounging alternative. I would. This thing looks like it could make Fat Albert as light as air. It bends, folds, wraps and twists to form any sort of getaway fantasy your heart desires. If I could read the gibberish on the website, I would tell you what it was made of. But it looks like it is made of pure comfort.

A negative might be that daddy's little getaway will be turned into every combination of fort after stylish fort by the kids. I would've straight abused that sh*t as a kid. I was a fort building masta. Yet a plus side might actually counter balance the negative. Maybe the fact that the entire Kama Sutra just got a whole lot more interesting.

Check our some pics at there website here, and drop me a line if you can translate.

Sweet Ride....Custom Golf Carts

Golf is seriously one of my most treasured past times. Nothing fulfills my inner necessities like topping or slicing an easy par four tee-off. Or missing a 3 foot birdie put that would have made up for that bogey on the last hole that should never have happened.

And then you come to the realization that your last $3 beer is about gone. Partly because you drink more when frustrated, and partly because the 1973 Silverstream golf cart slash rust bucket rattles your can over seemingly smooth terrain. Is it just me or is that bullsh*t. Not to mention my not-so-new clubs smacking against each other making each other even more not-so-new. Or the countless balls and tees or whatever valuables have bounced out over the years.

I freakin love golf!

Enough ranting already. There are options. Walking not being one of them. Since the old lady doesn't want to hold my beer for me anymore. Apparently the cooler is two heavy to lug around for 18 holes. I try telling her that it only gets lighter as the game goes on. But she doesn't listen.

Custom golf carts.

To the tune of.....a little out of my budget. But I shall dream. Because it makes me feel better. I feel rich in my dreams. I have everything there. It's nice. But seriously these third scale rough riders come in all sorts of pretty sweet models. Try Cadillac Escalades, H2 Hummers, Jeeps, Bentleys and even Roadsters. Most are tricked to the max like the Berline LS sold by Berline.

"Two-tone upholstery, chrome steering wheel, micro-sized rear-view mirrors, modified dash and rear seats, modified interior floor panel, chrome exterior paint, modified golf bag, and, of course, Falken low profile tires and alloy wheels."

Nothing about beer spill proof shocks!? She's got a Club Car IQ 48 Volt motor that pushes her to an eye watering 19.5 mph and 9.0 mph in reverse. Not to shabby. And did I mention it starts at a low low price of $13,495. Haha, thats like $700 per mph. Yeah and thats cheaper than a lot of other customs out there.

So I guess I will have to settle for the clubhouse special, but I'll live with it. And If I see one of these customs pull up bumping a stereo while I'm trying to make up for hole eight. There will be a six iron through their custom windshield. Insurance. With hail damage coverage?

Check out some others at BadAssGolfCarts.com